,

 

It’s time to live,

 to hug myself, 

to hug 16 year old me and show her what we’ve accomplished 

what we’re doing with life 

that I am still here 

I love you and you should love you too 

v

  

They love you better

I know you best 

lll

 

“Suicide” someone says, but no, we can not commit suicide because of two reasons, the first one is (one more time) selfishness, there are millions of unfortunate animas in the planet who would do anything to live not one more time, but a few more minutes to amend mistakes made in life or just saying sorry, 

and the second one is almost as nasty as life itself is, basically, commiting suicide is an emotional blackmail, where the act of killing yourself would result in related harm for your loved ones, causing anxiety, depression, or even consequent suicides, so you decide not to go ahead because the idea of leaving a trail of guilt and pain behind you does not sound really attractive, to be honest.

🌻

 For those who are struggling 

With having and finding a purpose:

Maybe, for now, your purpose is

Waking up in the morning 

And taking on the day

Ahead 

Maybe your purpose is

Continuing 

To live 

Despite it all 

Life becomes so much more fullfilling when

You’re just

Simply 

Yourself 

🌻

§

 ‘Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live’

_

 The other day on tiktok I saw a video of a 4 year old girl eating her lunch. Her mom said “can I have a sip of your drink?” She looked at her mom right in the eyes and said a clear: NO. Then, she went right back to eating her food.

Her mother said: ok. She didn’t pressure her. She didn’t make her wrong for having a natural desire to have her own drink. She didn’t say “nice girls share.” Because the most important person in her world, her mother, respected her no she learned a valuable lesson. It’s ok to say no. And healthy adults will respect it. In the future, when someone doesn’t respect her no, she’ll understand it’s them, not her who is the issue. 

Many of us have been raised by mothers who couldn’t say no. Who were in compromised situations, and who loved us very much and tried to protect us. They did this by trying to make us be easy, not difficult, and by modeling how to people please. Riddled with their own internal shame, they thought the only way to be loved was to never upset or disappoint those around them. The basis of people pleasing.

As we collectively wake up, we can break this pattern that puts so many women in dangerous, abusive, and compromised situations. 

Please tag and share to bring awareness to this pattern #selfhealers

__-

 

She seems to thrive on almost a kind of nervous energy, as if there was too much inside her to say, the wheels in her head always turning.

/

 No person or thing can harm me anymore.

I hold myself in loving safety inside my mind forever.

.

 On paper it would be safe to say that I have ruined my life.

I have less money, my savings are gone, I have less free time, less few people in my life, I have no academic cohort and a practically non existent social life.
I spent nearly three decades of my life as a people pleaser doormat with no boundaries. I put my heart and soul into helping other people succeed in their job, mental health or personal growth.. all at the expense of my own. 

I kept myself small to make other people feel better about themselves and comfortable around me. I hid my personality and diminished my abilities and accomplishments. I withheld my feelings when people hurt me and I put up with other people’s bad behaviours because I wanted to help them feel better about themselves. All at the cost of my own mental wellbeing and self esteem.

So when I say ‘I ruined my life’ it was in the moment I decided to put myself and my own welfare and dreams first. 

I set hard boundaries and removed myself from people who brought negativity into my life or hurt my mental wellbeing. 

I can’t say the past year is been the most difficult of my life (as it hasn’t been) but it’s definitely been the most necessary and transformative of my life. And that I am so happy I ruined the life I had a few years ago. 

All I had to do was be my truer and most authentic self, and live the life I wanted, and stand up for myself. To finally see the value that I have for this world and protect it at all costs.

It’s my story.. It’s not minimalistic, or super tidy, or run militantly with every minute of every hour scheduled in a calendar.. But, you know what? It’s rich with so much more.

It’s rich with incredible relationships, and love, and books, and little nuggets of information, and laughter and growth.. and most importantly.. cats.

So, according to the productivity world, I’ve technically ruined my life - but I am in love with the ruins of my life.